A bowl of fish porridge turned into a lunch disaster...
It was lunch at our usual spot, down at one of the little Cantonese restaurants in Donny east. I drove there thinking that it would be good because it was one of our last few lunches together before their departure to a foreign land. I drove there appreciating each and every moment with my complete family and the topics we talked about. Suddenly, my sister brought up a change in the plans of where to eat and decided that we would go to the restaurant next door to our initial plans, for their roast pork and accordingly "better" fish porridge. Seating at the front seat of the car, my dad cringed his face at the change of plans and had already began to sound unhappy, asking: "why is the fish porridge there better?" with a tone of challenge.... And little did i know that this tiny issue would turn into the source of ignition to my disastrous lunch. As my sister argued her point, which seemed almost too valid to beat down, dad was left with no place to retreat, but simply to accept the change of plans. He quietly sulked in the front seat and only occasionally did he contribute to any conversation in the car. Minutes later, i realized that we had forgotten to put up my L plate in the front window so i asked him nicely to put it up for me and before i knew it, he had risen his voice and was scolding me for every little thing possible that he could pick up on.
Dad: "I told you to put it up before we left! Why didn't you?"
I softly squeezed in a sentence saying: " ok, well can't you just do it for me, since your in the front seat?"
Dad: " Stop arguing and don't bullshit! I'm not responsible for putting it up for you! you do it yourself!"
In my mind i was wondering 'what the hell is he on about?' Did i say something wrong? or was he just in a bad mood because of the bloody fish porridge plans being changed?
Anyway i kept quiet the whole way to the restaurant, parked the car and left it at that
10 minutes later, we stepped into the restaurant, took a seat and began to discuss the dishes of our choice.
15 minutes later, we still hadn't ordered so I made a passing remark that would sentence me to hell for the next 1 hour. I casually said: "Can we order now coz I have tuition at 2pm and i want to be back on time for it"
Dad: " You always have to rush! I hate rushing! You're always the ONLY one who rushes us during family meals. You're saying we waste your time having lunch!?"
( btw i wasn't the only one, he always made us rush for his GOLF appointments... it was just friggin golf >=| )
Me: " No!" i began to explain myself "that's not what i meant !!! All i meant was that could we order now because the food will take sometime to come and I am also very hungry! and just letting you guys know that i have tuition at 2pm!"
Dad: "SHUT UP! Stop arguing with me! You always waste time on all those STUPID things like msn and watching your STUPID tv and videos! And then when we come out for lunch you say we're wasting your time!? "
Me: "I already said that that is not what i meant !!!!!! I just wanted to order quickly so we can get our food coz..."
Dad: "SHUT UP!"
It echoed all throughout the tiny restaurant which was the size of my room and everyone was listening in on the conversation now. I was stuck with nowhere to go but face it and shut up to his unreasonableness and swallow it.
EMBARRASSMENT, SHAME AND HURT WAS all I felt.
I had nowhere to hide and my eyes watered like crazy. I hated him! I hated the way he embarrassed me in public and screamed at me for something that wasn't even the source of his anger! All he wanted was his bloody fuckin fish porridge and all that mattered to him was that he got his way in everything. All that mattered to him was that he won in every argument, completely disregarding the words he had to use and the depth and kind of hurt he had caused others.
For the next 40 minutes, life was torture, eating was like swallowing the most bitter food I've ever tasted in my life. It was absolute torture. Finally, the 40 minutes of hell came to an end when we.. actually "they" finished their lunch (since i hadn't eaten anything much from the table of delicious dishes that would usually leave me full and happy) I quickly made my way out of the restaurant and told myself I am never going to go back there again.
We got in the car and this time mum drove. On the way my student msg-ed me to tell me that she wanted the tuition at box hill. The only problem was I was completely bounded to my parents or sister as they were my only means of transport to box hill library, given the short 20mins that i was left to work with. We msg-ed each other, back and forth and finally came to the conclusion that tuition would be cancelled for the day as none of us had a form of transport. At that point we had just drove up into the drive way of our house. I contemplated if it was best to stay silent or to let mum know that my student had cancelled the session. I decided to be a smart arse and said it anyway. Once again, being honest lead to no good. After i notified them about the cancellation, Dad raged at me once again taking the opportunity to unreasonably dispose off his displeasures and whatever anger was left over in him from the lunch, at me.
Dad: "WHY DID U MENTION IT ONLY WHEN WE GOT HOME!?!?"
Feeling like i had to explain myself, i went ahead and said so: " She JUST cancelled it JUST only and so i tell immediately when she cancels it! what do you want me to do!!!" - WHICH was of course the TRUTH!
Dad: " BULLSHIT! STOP ARGUING AND SHUTTUP!"
once again he used those words at me when he had no reason left to scold me for. "bullshit" "stop arguing" "Shuttup". Those are the words that hurt me once and will no longer hurt me again. I told myself from that moment on that I'm sick of his immature bullshit and sick of being a lamb for his anger management issues and his pride.
All of this for a stupid Fish porridge, that wasn't even worth my hurt and my shame and my embarrassment and worse- it was in public.
So tired and so sick of everything. Just want to get away....
