Finally back on this blog which has been deserted for lyk almost a week by now =___=
cant help it ... was too busy doing stuff=__= spent the whole freaking saturday doign some chinese oral presentation! dont ask me but i have NO idea since when did i become such a workaholic !!
anyways i'll juz blog about today =D
yehh well after school i saw the CUTEST DOG EVER!!!!!
its a maltese X shitzu BABY!!!! My goshhh the way it ran n jump n pounced on the teddy bear that had bite marks all over it !!! its juz >_______< AHHH!! hahah she was soo cute! TIFFANYYY was her name ! man the grass was lyk even TALLER THAN HER ! HAHAHA SO CUTE !

Well here i am back on my blog rattling on about something that has happened which somehow i cant seem to comprehend....
Sitting on that cold plastic chair, my arse freezing from wearing a winter skirt.. hands so cold it looks pale white... something inside begins to churn... traveling down from the mind to the heart to the stomach and intestines.. its fear.. its nervousness... the studying i did the previous couple of days all came down to this... i blanked out.
Looking back on it now... the paper wasn't even a difficult paper... i was just too nervous and couldn't even think properly. That feeling is just so terrible and i still cannot believe i totally screwed it up! How could i do that? I didn't even think i would feel so nervous that i could blank out on the last minute! i feel so wasted! but sigh* what can i do? its over. I cant go back in time and calm myself down =__= All i can do is indulge in a bottle of nutella and convince myself i won't do it again.. as well as lie to myself that Really... it doesn't matter that much...
But i thank U JOODIIEE- My faithful companion- Snowy- for letting me complain about my failure for the whole recess =D hahaha And of course Eunice =D haha wen u came bac from ur inspection ahaha

i havent blog for so longgg HMMM feels weird now that i'm finally back on track >___< its lyk GUY TALK.... * n then xc slides into background n pretends to blend in with the brown wall* SIGHH LIZZZZZZZZZ I NEEDED U THERE!!! THEY WERE ON ABT EVERYTHING I SHOULDN'T HAVE HEARD LOL! OH WELLS =____= hahaha HOpefully bryan liked his MR NONSENSE BOOK!!!! HEHE ^____^

OK I ADMIT !!! IM GUILTY!!!! guilty for the past 1 week coz i havent really been doing much homework.. so im currently lacking behind in methods n accounting! WHICH IS BADDD! but i really cant find the motivation to do anything... [ blame it on the weather!!! its the weather's fault!!!] =____= fortunately, however, i caught up with general in the last few hours n so im not lacking behind by 09876543234567 chapters now [YAY!!!!] =D which is the ONLY gd news for me so far =__= coz apart from that ... im really .. pretty much juz slogging n dragging behind!
n my room which was made extremely neat juz couple of weeks ago .... doesnt seem so neat anymore... in addition, my wardrobe... has been reduced to the depressing state of looking lyk a garbage truck once again... [though thankfully it doesnt smell lyk one]
Oh well... hopefully ONE DAY .... i wld be bothered to catch up on my work n tidy up this hopelessly messy room[ n maybe KEEP IT NEAT] =___=
right now... i juz really feel lyk sleeping, which is weird coz i've been sleeping non stop n im still tired !! O.O anyways time to jump into my cozy warm double-mattress bed !

laterz

right now i'm in the middle of my dinner... but what am i doing on my blog? Its so disappointing to get rejected. worst of all twice in a day! Really its not much of a dinner because even though i tried my best to make a nice meal and be her company, it didnt make a difference. i should have just minded my own business n prevent this disappointment. but anyway... I sat here for 20 mins eating and listening to her gossip over the phone and pass judgments on another of my relatives. seriously... i hate to even hear my parents pass judgements on ppl they know nothing of, but yet think they noe everything! why do they try and act all smart as if they have known that person their WHOLE life... and deserve the right to judge them based on what they look or what they see with their naked eyes! And the only reason they give, is that they've lived more years than i have and can see what i can't ! .. so what? suree... in some cases they may be right! but they tend to pass judgments on EVERYTHING EVERYONE and ANYONE! ... hate it.. i hate hearing even a word of it! can't stand it anymore! why cant they just do it behind my back and not say in in my face! WHY is it that i am always in the wrong place at the wrong time! arghhhhhh

WHEEE!!! the BHS formal izz comingggg =D n sooo i had to try out my dresses n camwhore for abit =D

ALrite soooo which one do i wear?!?!?!?


lets try it onnn...
DRESS NUMBER 1



















DRESS NUMBER 2...





















[cbs trying on the other 2 lol so i'll leave it with these 2]

sooo which one??? HELPPPPPP >____________< !

HEHEHE

...3 hours ago, i was on the phone with ben telling him that i was gonna go slp then n not stay up till 12 midnite to say happy birthday coz i had class early nxt morning! but... look.. its 2 am n im on my blog typing abt today n yesterday which i totally forgot to blog abt =_____=""" n why am i awake... i dont noe.... maybe because i havent done my accounting n methods hw ... which i juz realized juz after i hung up on ben ...

FIRSTLY HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY BENNEH BOI! ps thx for talking to urself on my tag board using "stacey" as ur name... "haha i'm so lame i'll so eat my lamechops" LOL xP I WLD KICK UR ARSE IF IT WASNT UR BIRTHDAY POOT POOT FACE! niweas... i noe ur so in love with my english name but PLEASE get a hold of urself ! GEEEZZZ BEN! haha =D but since its ur birthday... i shall spare u the 5 kicks i was abt to deliver for all that spamming on my tag board U LOSERxP!!!!jks jks <33333333333>Alritee.... now back to my blogging session~ its 2:13 am n my mind is still crazily awake n clear for some WEIRD reason.... hmmm... maybe it was the coffee i drank 3 hours ago... or maybe its a feeling that is JUST HAUNTING THE CRAP OUT OF ME! n i noe wad it is ... its guilt!!!!!! ARGHHHH n now all i want to say is im sooo soo soo soo sooo sorryyyyyyyyy *inserts name* =__________________________=
hmm i feel a little better now that i've said sorry =D haha

ok SOOO moving on ~~~~~~~~~~~~

today was incredibly fun n HECTIC!
Started off with double chink... which i expected to be the usual class... but i kind of pissed myself while laughing my head off at some stupid LAME jokes ben and bryan were trying to crack =__= its bryan's and ben's fault...that thx to THEM.... lao shi was lyk "xinjing u've been too noisy, stop talking n do ur work... and u cannot seat with them in the next class" T___T * but note... it was THEMMM NOT MEEE ! damn those 2 banana heads ....* OH WELLS I HAVE NELLY =D HEHE

alrite then i had double general which was all bludge and [as usual] no work done =]
and had a relaxing time at rehearsals today =D haha pretty fun surprisingly...
then had english [once again giggled non stop with hazel, eubin and julia abt random things] THEN I HEADED OFF TO WESTFIELD !!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEE

ITS BIG ITS NEW ITS OPEN! I LOVE WESTFIELD =D hehehe *looks into wallet- scans for $* no not really.... had lyk 10 bucks in there ... *SIGH* so i had to satisfy myself with a glass of ice chocolate at this wannabe Max brenna's place =P then i went homeee...

came home n boy was it hectic... rushing to email my resume n order stuff! GOSH! i made lyk 20 phone calls =_______________=
say hi to the sky high PHONE BILL COMING my WAY * weeheee * = D

niweas its 2.40am now n im not particularly excited abt lifting my arse out of bed in lyk 5 hours juz to get to sch on time for an acc class with ms gowland. =[but oh well...

n NOW i think im done blogging for the 10th of April =D even though its lyk 2 hours into the 11th alrdy! >____< all ="D">

Genuine compassion and sincerity

its the first day of school n my level of enthusiasm is ZERO ...
i dragg my arse to sch only to find out i will be having EARLY MORNING ACCOUNTING CLASSES at 8am for the next 2 fridays... oh how awesome is that...=___= as if i dont hav enough of them alrdy ....but wait theres more.... i go to methods class with a brain full of Chinese words trying desperately to memorize an essay [ for tuition after sch] n in the end ... i barely get anywhere in memorizing it or paying attention to what Mr yip has taught the whole 2 periods...
see this is what happens when one tries to multi-task in desperate times...
note to self * should not attempt to memorize an essay 1 and a half pages long in the last minute*
oh well ... i got a B + for it ... i guess i'll live with that =____=

continuing on ....
sitting in econs class ... my eyes had set itself on something/ someone ... in which struck me of the world i live in ....

its 20 minutes left till the bell rings... and he gets moved to a comfy seat in the front row, just right in front of the lady [who was desperately trying to teach us something] for talking unnecessarily =___=
yes it happens all the time in economics... so no surprise there LOL...anyways.....
soon i found myself starring into the distance... my eyes had not concentrated on the teacher or anyone in particular ... they were all but a blur vision... after 10 minutes or so, i snapped back into reality and my eyes somehow landed on him once again...
it was at this very moment... i saw this person from a different angle... he was talking to the girl beside him and she wasn't exactly one of those "popular people" that most people tried desperately to be around... but i saw the way his eyes looked at her... it wasn't with pity for her, that she was rather lonely... but his eyes were filled with compassion and sincerity ...

in today's world... how often does one only choose to befriend a person because of their status / popularity and at the same time exclude those whom we pass judgments on...to be weird or different? and how often does one have the willingness or the heart to reach out to those who stand in the secluded corner, completely excluded from the ones we call the "normal / popular" people...
but then again.... i'm sure we've all made that mistake at some point in our lives... . a desire for popularity can cause us to be ignorant , exclude people around us, n maybe even step on our true friends and in worse cases ... hurt them badly...
but its only those who have once been a victim of exclusion that really understand how the others feel... and how happy it can make a "victim" in such situations... if they just reach out with genuine compassion and sincerity...

i promise i'll write to you...

just don't leave me...

i walked behind them with heavy footsteps.... trying to hide the tears and just pretend as if everything was alright.. they too tried to hold back the tears...but before i began to go deep into thoughts of regret... i realized we were already reaching the departure gates... my feet quickly caught up to them and my hand slipped into his... i held his hand tight like a baby and its milk bottle...and wasn't ready to let go... not yet at least. i walked beside the wheelchair and felt every bit of regret of not spending enough time with him filling me in the inside...thats it... they were all hugging each other and saying their goodbyes... i stood there and caught a glimpse of her... with tears welling in her eyes, i saw her hurt and sadness no matter how hard she tried to hold it back. With that sight, my heart hurt... n without realizing it heavy drops of salt water had raced down my cheeks. and my make up was smudged...but it didn't matter.. nothing mattered... i just wanted time to stop... but it didn't happen.
"passengers of flight SQ 238 please head to ..."
my heart beat increased and i gave him a big hug, but he didn't even look at me. i knew he was just trying to be strong and keep the tears in, but i couldn't control mine. i hugged him for what seemed only a millisecond long and quickly told him

i promise i'll write to you... wait for my letter...

i said this because i remembered the morning a day before ... i was walking beside him as he said to me with weight in his voice and heavy breadths he took to keep himself stable... "i'm leaving tomorrow ... and i do not ask of u to write me a letter. i know how busy you are, but i just hope to hear your voice every now and then. so please do spare a second when you have it and give me a call alrite?"

my heart broke with these words... i remember the trees in the back ground swaying with the breeze and his voice so soft, pure yet heavy...

then i took 2 steps to the left and moved on to her.... i swung my arms around her tiny fragile body that consisted of only skin and bones... a result of smoking and over stressing... and gave her a big hug... the hug represented the words which we both refused to say, to avoid the emotional outbreak... and i whispered into her ear : " take care of him... i'll miss you and i love you...

i promise i'll write to you

till then did i realize how much each second spent with us meant to them... being at such a fragile age... as much as i wished i had spent more time with her instead of going out constantly and leaving her at home. but there was no way to turn time back... and once again i had regretted on something i hadn't done... she broke my embrace and told me: "be a good girl... hopefully we can come again" but with this i knew that the moment she said hopefully... her tears started to pour... i looked her in the eyes and saw pure love and sadness for the separation that was only seconds away... i wanted to tell her how much i regretted not spending enough time with her like with him... but before i knew it they had entered the departure gate...

that was it... that was it... they had gone... regret and sadness filled me pushing every drop of tear out of me... i ran to the toilets with swollen eyes and a nose so red i looked like Rudolf the red nose reindeer...

now i leave with one thought... and that is
just how many times does one have to make the same mistake only to realize that they have already made that mistake countless times... my answer is infinity... no matter how many times we suffer from the consequences of regret, wrong choices or mistakes , we pick ourselves up only to make the same mistake... and so the cycle continues...

winter? cleaning

Whoops forgot to blog abt yesterday! >< peeps="D" kids ="D" mashimaru ="__="]">___< [ haha which was soo cute] but there goes HALF my ice chocolate !!!!! =__= " HAha but it was fun anyhow ! niweas then we roamed around box hill n bought myself another pair of 10 DOLLA trackies 2 sizes too big ermm ... so i can "grow" ?? into it LOL [ sounds familiar for asian parents dont it?] afterwhich we went headed home =D *steps into house* headed straight to my room to begin my spring... more lyk decade cleaning .... took me the WHOLE day ... started at abt 4 ? n ended abt 9 pm=________= actually im quite amazed i ACTUALLY managed to finish the whole room considering the fact that i had an messy azz room from 3 months of not inhabiting it n a hopelessly messed up cupboard =___= n of course... throughout the course of my cleaning up i found some crazily old stuff that held good memories with it =D n stored it somewhere safeee! also i took photos of almost everything juz to remind me of my sinful nature of buying everything i get attracted to... hehe
lets start with my mum [pointing] yabbering at my cupboard O__^ haha




















n this is wad happens wen u have a MAJOR shopping addiction partnering a sinful nature that easily succumbs into temptation ! ^___^ [ a bed full of clothes i havent touched in some time...]














[how come i dont rmbr having a coin n note collection 0.0] haha that is an example of something i havent touched in years !









n a collage of my primary 6 CLASS !!!!!!oh-my-gosh hahaha



















me making the headlines 0.o?? for a bad reason though ... LOOK AT THE DAMN TITLE =___=
[ wad was wrong with my hair 0=[]















someone tell me ... why were wrist bands sooo in fashion ...












one corner of my room [ COMPLETED]
note* spot my family of turtles !!! WHEEE!!!! got 9 of them currently WOOT! ~hopefully more to comeee hehe ~















at 9 something... my room is completed =D WOOT

damn this consistency in blogging is hard to keep up with =___= anyways juz had my tiramisu desert that i made ytd=D texture is juz rite n sweetness is juz rite =D
made 2 little cups juz for my grandparents










And A FRIDGE FULL =D HEHEHE for my family =D

soz forgot to blog abt the last 2 days =___________________= "" well here it is ..

2 days ago...
went out with dan bizz and ben =P
started off being hit on by randoms!...
*waiting at bus stop with bizz while camwhoring*
*a car drove past on the other side of the road and honked at us *
2mins later * same car drove back down and stopped infront of us* 0.0
* window winds down and guy asks :" scuse mee wheres the freeway? "
*xc points to freeway which is lyk rite infront of us =___="
*guy asks :" do u guys need a lift?? [while giving this pervertic as look] .. YUCK
*bizz says :" err no...."*
*guy still stays there n stares at us ... 1 minute later.. alrite then seeya girls*
SICKOOOO haha yeh pic below is us after that random incident 0.0









ANYWAYS then met ben and dan at bh and finally got hot trackies =D for 10 bucks at sum azn azz shop=D WEHHEEE imma get more tmr =D haha














yehhh n that was abt itt...

1 day ago...
straightened my hair but didnt look gd so i showered n let it curl again =D then i curled my grandma's hair for her n spent sometime with her =D and grandpa too by helping him rid his eyebrows of white hair =P
then went to Unitd styled [giggles to self]









anyways yehh made some tiramisu today =P for grandparents and cousin + her bf before they go back on saturday =[ *sobsob* anyways yehh my hands smell lyk strong as coffee rite now >__< yuckieeeee

OMgoshh!!! YESTERDAY I WAS ON A HIGH FOR THE WHOLE NITE!!!! HAHAH ok soo this was what happened...
didnt sleep for the whole nite coz i was too excited abt unitdstyles [THE BEST HIP HOP SCHOOL IN MELBOURNE] then i dragged my sleepy heavy arse to box hill [ literally falling asleep in the car] to meet the benz . Then we took a train to flinders and got on the tram [ which was friggin sloww] but thnk god we made it in time for the class!!! THANK GOD!!!! Lol and THE CLASS WAS A BOMB!!!! AND I MET ALVIN DE CASTRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ONE NITE!!!
COOL AS HIP HOP CLASS + MEETING ALVIN DE CASTRO!!!!!!!
YEhhh i kept smilin to myself in the tram...and i reckon 90% of the ppl around me thought i was abnormal ..... but WAD the heck! i met alvin and had a friggin good hip hop class!!! SOO FUNN MAN
i wana GOO AGAIN!!!!!!! =D HAHA i love hip hop!!!!!

and then we bused home n i slept on the bus =____= dead tired from a whole nite of staying awake and a whole day of feeling excited and THENNNN a whole nite of FUN AND HYPERNESS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STILL CANT BELIEVE I MET HIM! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*faints*
anyways now im staying home to do some work =D n catch up on everything i was meant to do over the holidays =P hehehe