'at the edge'

i'm on the edge of it...
why cant she say something good or something that is ANTI depressing... sometimes i feel like being nice to her, but yet its so hard when she does what she does! i mean yeahhh i shldnt forget all the things she's done for me but she doesnt have to dump all her frustrations on me !!!
FAR OUTTT! i really dont know how long more i can take it !!! everytime we sit down together for a meal, its always ABT HER !!! its ALWAYS abt how she is feeling depressed... how she cant take it anymore etc etc but sometimes it makes me wonder ... "do you ever consider the fact that ppl around u ... JUST MIGHT have their own problems too?" and that "when someones trying to keep happy... you dont just go around and tell them depressing things to push them off the edge?"

i just want a break. maybe if she cld just NOT say anything that will push me off the edge for 1 MEAL... i wld be so friggin happy...

so this is my dilemma ... [cant believe i'm back to this]

i wana tell her that i cant take it anymore... because every time she starts on one of those depressing problems.. i jus feel like bursting into anger ... or running away from it, from her... yet i cant bring myself to do it..coz she's my mum... ARGHHH ..... so guess wad happens.... it goes one big round and ends up inside of me ...each time that happens... i get more and more frustrated... each time that happens.. it adds to my burdens...
each time that happens... i juz feel lyk im closing in on the edge...
i'm gonna fall off soon.

i dont wana hurt her but i dont wana have to take all the burdens...
i like being happy... i like feeling light
i just cant help it , i know im being selfish
and i dont like having to be selfish
but i'm not willing to be depressed 24/7...

so what am i to do??
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell off the edge today...
---------------

but i still cant bring myself to tell her all this...
i think i'll just live the depressing times in quietness...
coz i trust that god will be there to catch me when i fall off the edge once again...
he'll never quit... and so i'll learn to take it in...