A Revelation...

Here it is. Smack bam. Starring at me right in the face all this while and i never thought of it!
For the last 5 months i though that i knew exactly why living so many miles apart made me worried sick, and yet today the truth hit me... the real reason i didn't want him to go was because he was my support. I made him everything i had to lean on before i could even say no to it. And, sure part of the contributing factors may be with regards to some trust issues and all that finding someone else kind of stuff, but really, the truth of it all boils down to the fact that i'm losing my pillar and it is irreplaceable given such short notice. Ok maybe not short since i knew this would happen from a year ago.. but still time goes by so swiftly that in the midst of this roller coaster, one does not have the time to stop and think where he/she is headed next. Do we?
Perhaps since I've mentioned the "trust issues"; i might as well just point out a few things that i have learnt... Sometimes, a relationship may be only as wobbly as you think it is.. and only ever as untrustworthy as you think it is / can be. And why may this be the case? Well the truth is, when you think that he can cheat on you, means you'll think of all ways that he might do so! Fact is, any girl would be able to think of 1000000000 ways that a guy could betray her, for some not so often, but for others maybe on every other minute, one of these thoughts would just gently creep into the brain and the heart and shake every single thing you once thought you knew. How is it that we girls let such creepy thoughts slip into us ? I guess that it is probably the female instincts that leaves a hole for such thoughts to come through, and so being unable to stop it, the only way left is to get rid of it. Its tormenting and draining but it's face-able. A deep breathe, a few cups of tea and a nice box of branded chocolate, in bed, covered with a cashmere snowy white blanket would do the temporary trick. Note - It is only temporary, as for permanent solutions, i've not yet found one. But this works well enough for me at the moment. So untill a need for a permanent medicine to this bitter taste comes up, i shall stick to what i've figured out.
So here it is... the revelation to why most girls can't stop thinking nonsense ( btw this is not applicable to those who can say that they trust their dates a 100% - because these people must be angels to be so perfect.)

I need a cup of tea and my polar bear with you next to me...