Why does it seem so far away, even though it's right next to me. Is it an illusion or is it reality? Can there be such differences that make a person change that one thought that was known to be true for as long as it had existed, up till this very moment? And what's worst is that the very cause of it swims around like a blood cot in the brain, it pounds hard and never fades until the eyes shut and deep sleep replaces existence. Thats when everything fades and a dark cloud is replaced by light, a world of recurring mental frustration comes to a temporary "end" of some sort.

I think to myself in this quietness that this thing must not and can-not end, for if it so does, i'd hate to think what will become of me. I can't imagine the ending to this tunnel of frustration, uncertainty, love, hate and jealousy, and yet i know that it is just ahead. It looks as if it is coming towards me with such great speed, or is it I that is sliding down the tunnel towards it? In the midst of this tunnel, my vulnerability is put on the spot, leaving me with no choice but to offer it unconditionally, which makes it all the more worse. Doing so is like heading off on a one way course with no chance return. The longer i leave it out there for, the deeper it goes and the further i go along with it. So Right now, i just wished that i had never entered that tunnel in the first place and that i could return to before this, if and only if i could go back in time and undo all of this foolishness...