i promise i'll write to you...

just don't leave me...

i walked behind them with heavy footsteps.... trying to hide the tears and just pretend as if everything was alright.. they too tried to hold back the tears...but before i began to go deep into thoughts of regret... i realized we were already reaching the departure gates... my feet quickly caught up to them and my hand slipped into his... i held his hand tight like a baby and its milk bottle...and wasn't ready to let go... not yet at least. i walked beside the wheelchair and felt every bit of regret of not spending enough time with him filling me in the inside...thats it... they were all hugging each other and saying their goodbyes... i stood there and caught a glimpse of her... with tears welling in her eyes, i saw her hurt and sadness no matter how hard she tried to hold it back. With that sight, my heart hurt... n without realizing it heavy drops of salt water had raced down my cheeks. and my make up was smudged...but it didn't matter.. nothing mattered... i just wanted time to stop... but it didn't happen.
"passengers of flight SQ 238 please head to ..."
my heart beat increased and i gave him a big hug, but he didn't even look at me. i knew he was just trying to be strong and keep the tears in, but i couldn't control mine. i hugged him for what seemed only a millisecond long and quickly told him

i promise i'll write to you... wait for my letter...

i said this because i remembered the morning a day before ... i was walking beside him as he said to me with weight in his voice and heavy breadths he took to keep himself stable... "i'm leaving tomorrow ... and i do not ask of u to write me a letter. i know how busy you are, but i just hope to hear your voice every now and then. so please do spare a second when you have it and give me a call alrite?"

my heart broke with these words... i remember the trees in the back ground swaying with the breeze and his voice so soft, pure yet heavy...

then i took 2 steps to the left and moved on to her.... i swung my arms around her tiny fragile body that consisted of only skin and bones... a result of smoking and over stressing... and gave her a big hug... the hug represented the words which we both refused to say, to avoid the emotional outbreak... and i whispered into her ear : " take care of him... i'll miss you and i love you...

i promise i'll write to you

till then did i realize how much each second spent with us meant to them... being at such a fragile age... as much as i wished i had spent more time with her instead of going out constantly and leaving her at home. but there was no way to turn time back... and once again i had regretted on something i hadn't done... she broke my embrace and told me: "be a good girl... hopefully we can come again" but with this i knew that the moment she said hopefully... her tears started to pour... i looked her in the eyes and saw pure love and sadness for the separation that was only seconds away... i wanted to tell her how much i regretted not spending enough time with her like with him... but before i knew it they had entered the departure gate...

that was it... that was it... they had gone... regret and sadness filled me pushing every drop of tear out of me... i ran to the toilets with swollen eyes and a nose so red i looked like Rudolf the red nose reindeer...

now i leave with one thought... and that is
just how many times does one have to make the same mistake only to realize that they have already made that mistake countless times... my answer is infinity... no matter how many times we suffer from the consequences of regret, wrong choices or mistakes , we pick ourselves up only to make the same mistake... and so the cycle continues...