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28.12.10
Recollection
The day began as any other day would...but little did I know that an accident was about to happen, in which would change my perspective on driving entirely...
All I could see was the corner (junction) from which the cars were turning. There was no view on the cars that had already turned the corner thanks to all the illegally parked cars on the street after the junction. I edged out after seeing no turning cars at the corner, anticipating that there were no cars already on the street... so i went for it... and it all happened so fast that I could barely remember what I saw or what happened. All I know was that, one moment the car wasn't there and the next moment it appeared right in front of my drivers seat window. I saw the car coming at me and yet my feet were helplessly frozen between the breaks and the accelerator, not knowing which one to step onto... so in the end i hit the breaks because it happened automatically... but looking back on it, if i hadn't hit those breaks, the car wouldn't have hit my side on so badly.
Each time i think about the incident in an attempt to recollect what happened step by step, my mind cringes at every thought, leaving me tired and drained after 10 minutes of trying to remember what exactly happened and how the car actually hit mine.
5 seconds and thats all it took for my memory to be scarred... those 5 seconds of memory haunts me when i close my eyes, because all i can remember is the car coming at me and not stopping and then the loud bang against my door, with just a car door between me, my seat and the car.
All I could see was the corner (junction) from which the cars were turning. There was no view on the cars that had already turned the corner thanks to all the illegally parked cars on the street after the junction. I edged out after seeing no turning cars at the corner, anticipating that there were no cars already on the street... so i went for it... and it all happened so fast that I could barely remember what I saw or what happened. All I know was that, one moment the car wasn't there and the next moment it appeared right in front of my drivers seat window. I saw the car coming at me and yet my feet were helplessly frozen between the breaks and the accelerator, not knowing which one to step onto... so in the end i hit the breaks because it happened automatically... but looking back on it, if i hadn't hit those breaks, the car wouldn't have hit my side on so badly.
Each time i think about the incident in an attempt to recollect what happened step by step, my mind cringes at every thought, leaving me tired and drained after 10 minutes of trying to remember what exactly happened and how the car actually hit mine.
5 seconds and thats all it took for my memory to be scarred... those 5 seconds of memory haunts me when i close my eyes, because all i can remember is the car coming at me and not stopping and then the loud bang against my door, with just a car door between me, my seat and the car.
6.11.10
Sometimes you feel like you want to run away
From the rain and the blue skies that turn to grey
And there’s no turning back
So how will he react when you’re gone
It’s like living on two separate worlds at the same time
With all communications online
So let me turn off your satellite, he’s not there
If you’re looking for superman, i’m your superman
Lyrics that come to life especially when those words nail what you really feel.
Anyways today was rather draining, but on the upside I did get to see a few dear friends whom i havent seen in quite sometime. =D it was not a productive day at the library but a good one because of the company i had! And coming home to see and old friend made the day complete =D
The feeling of rekindled friendship is awesome.
thats all for now ! time to dive into the world of financial accounting =D and continue chatting on skype =D
5.11.10
Its 1.05 am and i really should be sleeping, but the thought of falling into another deep sleep is scary because of the nightmares that i've been having lately. What is it with nightmares that come back time and time again to haunt me? Just when I thought i've gotten rid of them... they creep back into my mind and take away my good sleep that i'm currently in desperate need off. =[
Anyway tomorrow is a big day for 8 Harcourt street. Mum is holding a big English-styled High Tea Party, with white tea sets, white laced table cloths, a wide spread of various delicate cakes and tarts, 3 tier plates full of classy sandwiches and last but not least 20 over guests dressed up: Ladies in dresses and Men in Smart look.
Sooo exciting =D Maybe thats why i can't sleep ! Anyhhoo I'm going to try and get some sleep now so tomorrow i don't end up looking like a walking corpse with panda eyes =___=
Nights S2
Its 1.05 am and i really should be sleeping, but the thought of falling into another deep sleep is scary because of the nightmares that i've been having lately. What is it with nightmares that come back time and time again to haunt me? Just when I thought i've gotten rid of them... they creep back into my mind and take away my good sleep that i'm currently in desperate need off. =[
Anyway tomorrow is a big day for 8 Harcourt street. Mum is holding a big English-styled High Tea Party, with white tea sets, white laced table cloths, a wide spread of various delicate cakes and tarts, 3 tier plates full of classy sandwiches and last but not least 20 over guests dressed up: Ladies in dresses and Men in Smart look.
Sooo exciting =D Maybe thats why i can't sleep ! Anyhhoo I'm going to try and get some sleep now so tomorrow i don't end up looking like a walking corpse with panda eyes =___=
Nights =D
2.11.10
Thats the last straw.
I wanted to tell you all of this, but you weren't there when i called... so i guess i had to blog it out instead:
Ever felt like it wouldn't make a difference whether you were present or not...?
...The place i live in is called a house, not a home,
3 family members, but not a family,
1 sibling, but not a sister,
2 parents, half a father and half a mother...
It felt that way and it hurt that it really didn't matter whether i was sitting there at the dinner table or not...
It felt as if everytime i asked a question, it would be ignored...
E.g. 1
Me: Whats the weather tomorrow dad ?
(before dad says anything)
SIster: *asks another unrelated question*
Dad: *answers sister*...
Me: Dad, i asked what was the weather tmr like?
Dad: *still ignores me n continues conversing with sister*
E.g.2
Me: *where can i buy this?*
Mum: oh you can buy it at
Sister: *cuts in and asks another completely random question
Mum: *completely forgets about answering my qs and starts talking to sister*
Did it really matter that i was still there and that i was half way through getting an answer? Even though it wasn't an important question... it still mattered... especially when that is the "half answer" that i get every single damn time that i try to make a conversation with my parents.
Maybe you're right, maybe i'm a runner because i'd rather not come home and avoid everything at home... But all of this would not have happened if she had treasured this relationship just a little more than trampling all over it.
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that the words that come out of my mouth are less important or have less value than hers....
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that my every minute is less important than hers...
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that all the initiation and respect has to come from me first...
I've ALWAYS been the one to say sorry and say it first, irregardless of who is right or wrong, but it doesn't mean that i should still be the one who gives in... now whatsoever happened to the old adage that "older siblings should give in to younger silblings"... ? yeh right...
Just because I've given the unconditional respect for the last 18 years doesn't mean that i should still keep doing it, and don't ask for any respect in return...
Since young, i'd always thought that if i did more for you and did whatever you asked of me, you would like me just that little bit more and would do for me the things that i see other older siblings do for their younger siblings... i.e. take them out willingly, or hold their hand when they cross the road willingly...
But i grew up hoping and wishing for something that was quite the impossible, and i've come to acknowledge that, so it's ok...But the least you could give me is some respect and some pride...
You have your pride and so do I, you can't expect me to give in to my older sibling all the time...
Never again will i fork out such unconditional respect and love for someone who will ruthlessly trample upon it and take it forgranted... too long i've held on to that respect and too long have i given in to you...
I hate her self-centeredness and that ego that disallows the people around her to have their pride.
I hate this home.
Ever felt like it wouldn't make a difference whether you were present or not...?
...The place i live in is called a house, not a home,
3 family members, but not a family,
1 sibling, but not a sister,
2 parents, half a father and half a mother...
It felt that way and it hurt that it really didn't matter whether i was sitting there at the dinner table or not...
It felt as if everytime i asked a question, it would be ignored...
E.g. 1
Me: Whats the weather tomorrow dad ?
(before dad says anything)
SIster: *asks another unrelated question*
Dad: *answers sister*...
Me: Dad, i asked what was the weather tmr like?
Dad: *still ignores me n continues conversing with sister*
E.g.2
Me: *where can i buy this?*
Mum: oh you can buy it at
Sister: *cuts in and asks another completely random question
Mum: *completely forgets about answering my qs and starts talking to sister*
Did it really matter that i was still there and that i was half way through getting an answer? Even though it wasn't an important question... it still mattered... especially when that is the "half answer" that i get every single damn time that i try to make a conversation with my parents.
Maybe you're right, maybe i'm a runner because i'd rather not come home and avoid everything at home... But all of this would not have happened if she had treasured this relationship just a little more than trampling all over it.
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that the words that come out of my mouth are less important or have less value than hers....
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that my every minute is less important than hers...
Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that all the initiation and respect has to come from me first...
I've ALWAYS been the one to say sorry and say it first, irregardless of who is right or wrong, but it doesn't mean that i should still be the one who gives in... now whatsoever happened to the old adage that "older siblings should give in to younger silblings"... ? yeh right...
Just because I've given the unconditional respect for the last 18 years doesn't mean that i should still keep doing it, and don't ask for any respect in return...
Since young, i'd always thought that if i did more for you and did whatever you asked of me, you would like me just that little bit more and would do for me the things that i see other older siblings do for their younger siblings... i.e. take them out willingly, or hold their hand when they cross the road willingly...
But i grew up hoping and wishing for something that was quite the impossible, and i've come to acknowledge that, so it's ok...But the least you could give me is some respect and some pride...
You have your pride and so do I, you can't expect me to give in to my older sibling all the time...
Never again will i fork out such unconditional respect and love for someone who will ruthlessly trample upon it and take it forgranted... too long i've held on to that respect and too long have i given in to you...
I hate her self-centeredness and that ego that disallows the people around her to have their pride.
I hate this home.
22.10.10
I had plans....
So after coming home from the Law library, I planned to finish off my marketing notes and basically tank it through the night... seeing as it took me about a good 4 hours to only do half of the whole book =[
Yep... I had "plans"... Plans to study which failed massively *SIGH*
I should really study more ? LOL funny because it sounds so familiar, since i've probably said this same sentence a MILLION times over, over the last 7 weeks and DESPITE having said it SO MANY TIMES... sad truth is I still haven't put it to "action" yet =S Yep, I'm starting to get worried that I don't even feel that stressed ( as I OUGHT to feel because since young i've always stressed hard core the 2 MONTHS before exams) .. yet... n its ALREADY only 5 days left !!! ARGH something is seriously wrong with my brain or my nerves... because both don't seem to be functioning normally ='[ HELP MEEEE
THIS IS INSANITY -
Yep... I had "plans"... Plans to study which failed massively *SIGH*
I should really study more ? LOL funny because it sounds so familiar, since i've probably said this same sentence a MILLION times over, over the last 7 weeks and DESPITE having said it SO MANY TIMES... sad truth is I still haven't put it to "action" yet =S Yep, I'm starting to get worried that I don't even feel that stressed ( as I OUGHT to feel because since young i've always stressed hard core the 2 MONTHS before exams) .. yet... n its ALREADY only 5 days left !!! ARGH something is seriously wrong with my brain or my nerves... because both don't seem to be functioning normally ='[ HELP MEEEE
THIS IS INSANITY -
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