Is it juz me being indecisive.. or is it really that hard to make a decision!??? I absolutely cannot stand having to make a choice between *good* or *good*...i mean who wants to have to choose between 2 good things when the best choice is to have the best or BOTH WORLDS... .which of course... in real life does not exist 99.99999% of the time...
but.. but.. there is still that 0.000009 *recurring* % ... so can i have it ??
i wished there was a see saw to weigh ALL the pros and cons for me so that i don't have to take so much into consideration and make a choice and stick with it!... but really it comes down to being afraid of regret after making that choice... HELPP ~
its my dilemma ...
left or right?
1st or 2nd?
yes or no?
Uni acc or Economics?
specialist maths or Uni acc?
Economics or specialist maths?
HELPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
laterz
*gone to take a breath*
18.8.08
17.8.08
It sure feels good to be back on planet earth ... from a hectic ass 3 weeks! life has been full and BUSY ... thats why i didnt blog.... T__T actually truth is i forgot i had a blog.. till a couple of days ago!!!
BUT anyways!!! These 3 weeks has been pretty different.. i've had real good times but through it all i figured something out and here it is.
Its not hard to be selfless yet its so easy to be selfish and in these passing weeks i've realized that i am actually VERY self centered.. in a way that alot of the times my friends are always there to support me but [if it makes sense] i hardly swap places with them. it took me alot of courage to admit and very little observation to realize i was doing it to the ppl i really and truly treasure around me... and i'm sorry guys if u've ever felt that way abt me. i'll try to change but i guess it'll take sometime...
anyways on with life... i've had 3 outcomes in the last week and 3 more to go ... it sucks but i guess one good point is that once this week is over =] i'm closer to the holidays ! WHEEEEE
alrite time to get back to studying=.-
BUT anyways!!! These 3 weeks has been pretty different.. i've had real good times but through it all i figured something out and here it is.
Its not hard to be selfless yet its so easy to be selfish and in these passing weeks i've realized that i am actually VERY self centered.. in a way that alot of the times my friends are always there to support me but [if it makes sense] i hardly swap places with them. it took me alot of courage to admit and very little observation to realize i was doing it to the ppl i really and truly treasure around me... and i'm sorry guys if u've ever felt that way abt me. i'll try to change but i guess it'll take sometime...
anyways on with life... i've had 3 outcomes in the last week and 3 more to go ... it sucks but i guess one good point is that once this week is over =] i'm closer to the holidays ! WHEEEEE
alrite time to get back to studying=.-
26.7.08
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didnt ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
Id hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
Thats what Id do, with one more day with you
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didnt ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
Id hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
Thats what Id do, with one more day with you
Last night was a pretty good night. Instead of going to one of my family friend's house, i stayed home and spent some real quality time with my mum. We baked and sung and danced in the kitchen. That was one hell of a time. And out of the blue i juz realised, how time flies with age. It was only yesterday that i was holding her hand wherever i went. Now my wings are taking me further and further away from that day. I grew up and she grew older. The wrinkles and white strands of hair appearing randomly on her head are hints that she's beginning the race against time like everyone else of her age. Even though i do wonder what i'll look like when i get to her age, i have a gut feeling i'll be an exact duplicate of her coz we are juz so alike in our habits, our thoughts, our characters and our aim in life etc. I juz love her so much =] even though she can be annoying sometimes... maybe even 24/7 Hehehe =P
alrite... Moving on!
Today started out greattt =] i woke up at 9.30 and did the usual getting ready makeup etc, and went to church. Was on worship today and i guess aunty susan's message to us (the worship team) during our devotional time before service, was really encouraging. She told us to trust in the lord in everything coz he loves us and will be with us if we give the worship up to him. So i guess we did pretty well for worship and that was the only good thing today i guess.
If you want u can take a guess at the title of this song =P
Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell
17.7.08
Niweas i have came to the conclusion that SALT AND SATURATED FAT LEAD U TO THE MOST UNPLEASANT TIMELY DEATH! after watching the most GRUESOME disgusting )(*&^%$#@!@#$% program... of which a 25 stone man is DISSECTED by a team of experts.. *faints*
Looking at all that fat in the man's tummy, the thickness of it when it was cut up ... honestly it was no different to that of a pork belly! ok those of you who like pork belly, you're gonna hate me for this but its true! And worst of all his diaphragm was in the most ABSURD place anyone would have even imagined... it was in line with his nipples! zomgoshhh ...
But WAIT! theres more....
DUE to the movement of his diaphragm all the way up there... his organs have been squashed all the way up there too. his lungs were pretty much at the bottom of his neck, his heart was filled with white fatty tissues and was twice the avg size a heart shld be. His lungs were much smaller than a normal lung and his liver and kidneys were all lost in the LAYERS OF FAT SURROUNDING HIS ORGANS!!!!!!!! SHld i keep going? Hmm mayb not, i think i'll juz make sure i tell the last part. Well the expert who dissected this 25 stone [140+ kg] man, considered this man to have died because of heart failure [ lol no surprise there!] and concluded that the man pretty much " Ate himself to death " ....
Looking at all that fat in the man's tummy, the thickness of it when it was cut up ... honestly it was no different to that of a pork belly! ok those of you who like pork belly, you're gonna hate me for this but its true! And worst of all his diaphragm was in the most ABSURD place anyone would have even imagined... it was in line with his nipples! zomgoshhh ...
But WAIT! theres more....
DUE to the movement of his diaphragm all the way up there... his organs have been squashed all the way up there too. his lungs were pretty much at the bottom of his neck, his heart was filled with white fatty tissues and was twice the avg size a heart shld be. His lungs were much smaller than a normal lung and his liver and kidneys were all lost in the LAYERS OF FAT SURROUNDING HIS ORGANS!!!!!!!! SHld i keep going? Hmm mayb not, i think i'll juz make sure i tell the last part. Well the expert who dissected this 25 stone [140+ kg] man, considered this man to have died because of heart failure [ lol no surprise there!] and concluded that the man pretty much " Ate himself to death " ....
13.7.08
Oh nooo schools on tmr !!!!!!!>____<
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*FAINTS*
Is it really worth it to give your love to someone who doesnt even give a shit all abt you? Hmmm lemme think.... i thinkNOT ... So what if you used to be best friends or shared all your secrets or were like sisters? what matters now is that was history and you doing all that for her is just wasting your own time, tears, effort and energy. Save your own energy otherwise soon you'll end up in a dead knot and feel totally wasted. Coz truth is... no matter how much you wish its not true... people like her are never gonna change. They hold grudges, store hatred and have no love. They only think about themselves, everything should revolve around them and they'll never give in during a fight. They always think their right, their never in the wrong. They refuse to say sorry and always blame somebody else for their mistakes. Would it really be of any use to hope that she will change? i doubt so. Its easy to say, why doesn't god do anything about it? Honestly, even i dont know the answer to that question too. Maybe he has a plan? Maybe its test of faith? but whatever it is i cant hold on any longer, i'm losing it already.
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*FAINTS*
Is it really worth it to give your love to someone who doesnt even give a shit all abt you? Hmmm lemme think.... i thinkNOT ... So what if you used to be best friends or shared all your secrets or were like sisters? what matters now is that was history and you doing all that for her is just wasting your own time, tears, effort and energy. Save your own energy otherwise soon you'll end up in a dead knot and feel totally wasted. Coz truth is... no matter how much you wish its not true... people like her are never gonna change. They hold grudges, store hatred and have no love. They only think about themselves, everything should revolve around them and they'll never give in during a fight. They always think their right, their never in the wrong. They refuse to say sorry and always blame somebody else for their mistakes. Would it really be of any use to hope that she will change? i doubt so. Its easy to say, why doesn't god do anything about it? Honestly, even i dont know the answer to that question too. Maybe he has a plan? Maybe its test of faith? but whatever it is i cant hold on any longer, i'm losing it already.
10.7.08
1st day at grill'd
damn righttt its my first day of my new job=] started off at 12 and made a few mistakes but since i have an awesome brain [cough] i managed to get a hang of the whole working at the till and the touch screen register thingo [well at least i think so]
*note to liz* when u saw me dropping everything on the floor=___= i wasnt a master of the register YET so yehh... it was only awhile after u left that i stopped making mistakes!
alrite so here was the highlight of my work ... i got scolded by some cranky picky as lady!
xc: HI HOW CAN I HELP U TODAY?
lady: YEs give me.. @#$%^&*%$@% etc...
xc: alrite that will be 11.50 thanx
lady: *gives 20 bucks and 50 cent coin*
xc: [being new at the till] keyed in the wrong amount received. instead of keying in 20.50 i keyed in 20 bucks =__=
xc: hey im sorry i keyed in 20 bucks so *tried to give back the 50 cent coin*
lady: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? CANT U JUZ GIVE ME 10 BUCKS CHANGE! DID U DO YEAR 12 MATHS !???
xc: [note to self* >=| GRRRRRR IMMA KICK UR ASS MISSY] actually dw abt it! sorry abt that !
lady: GEEZ
thinks* SCREW U LADY! IM A YEAR 11 alrite... n plus IF U HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE YEAR 12 MATHS DOESNT CONSIST OF 20 - 9.50 and knowing how to operate the stooopid tills! *GRRR
but anyways !!! apart from that 1 moment! EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AWESOME!! I LOVED TH joB! BUT IM totally RUN OUT AND TIREDDD!!!! my LEGS are lyk gonna snap in half!
=] SOMEONE DONATE ME A PAIR OF CARVES =] THXOK BYE =]
*note to liz* when u saw me dropping everything on the floor=___= i wasnt a master of the register YET so yehh... it was only awhile after u left that i stopped making mistakes!
alrite so here was the highlight of my work ... i got scolded by some cranky picky as lady!
xc: HI HOW CAN I HELP U TODAY?
lady: YEs give me.. @#$%^&*%$@% etc...
xc: alrite that will be 11.50 thanx
lady: *gives 20 bucks and 50 cent coin*
xc: [being new at the till] keyed in the wrong amount received. instead of keying in 20.50 i keyed in 20 bucks =__=
xc: hey im sorry i keyed in 20 bucks so *tried to give back the 50 cent coin*
lady: WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? CANT U JUZ GIVE ME 10 BUCKS CHANGE! DID U DO YEAR 12 MATHS !???
xc: [note to self* >=| GRRRRRR IMMA KICK UR ASS MISSY] actually dw abt it! sorry abt that !
lady: GEEZ
thinks* SCREW U LADY! IM A YEAR 11 alrite... n plus IF U HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE YEAR 12 MATHS DOESNT CONSIST OF 20 - 9.50 and knowing how to operate the stooopid tills! *GRRR
but anyways !!! apart from that 1 moment! EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AWESOME!! I LOVED TH joB! BUT IM totally RUN OUT AND TIREDDD!!!! my LEGS are lyk gonna snap in half!
=] SOMEONE DONATE ME A PAIR OF CARVES =] THXOK BYE =]
8.7.08
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE WONDERFUL WISHES AND BIRTHDAY CARDS AND GIFTS AND REMEMBERING MY BIRTHDAY !=] Ben Jess Eunice Judy Liz Lina tanya and you guys know who you areeee lah=] HEHE <33
Alrite well before i begin my reflection on the past 16 years? wait 15? [shhs I CAN COUNT] of my life... let me just warn u, its gonna be a long one, so if ur not ready to sit tight then close this page right now =]
Anyways.. on with it ! In the last 16 years, i've been through the typical teenage years of rebellion and now i can definitely say that boyy am i glad that its almost over! Honestly, i cant rmbr when i learnt how to tell lies or when i learnt how to fight back and speak my mind, or when i started to drift away from this family. But i one thing for sure was that this begun not that long ago, probably during my recent years in Melbourne i guess... Coming here was this huge step that we as a family had to take together. But living here was a whole different story. Throughout those times, there were those real good times where i felt like i was standing at the peak of the highest mountain ever, and also those bad times where life felt like i was on this downward spiral that ended in this massive ditch [ like those quick sands] which would suck you in faster the more you struggled.
And recently i lost the one thing i found when i came here and that was this amazing faith in God . I lost it because i gave in to anger and rage and lost a relationship that meant the world to me. So why couldn't sorry do the trick? well heres how it works, i figured that some things in life can't be mended with just a word of "sorry", somethings.. like a broken heart or a disagreement that turned into feud and hatred... And now that i look back, all i can say is [with regret] that i wished none of it had happened. i wished i hadn't lost my temper and i wish i hadn't lost control of my rationality and i wish i hadn't used those bad words on you. I was so foolish as to unconsciously blame God for all the wrongs in my life but now i thank god, that through these difficult times i learnt to really listen to his word and search for him. I learnt that only through prayer, the impossible becomes possible. And of course i couldnt have done this without the encouragement and support from my a few special ppl. In particular, Ben and Eunice for the ENDLESS support and encouragement that they gave me. I love you guys to bits and pieces<3 Even though the other things i have gained along the way will never replace the relationship [ i lost] that i screwed up, you learn to look on the bright side to everything and just live with hope and learn that not everything in life will do your way... most importantly i learn't the true meaning that God has a reason for EVERYTHING.
Well today something strange happened. In the morning i read my devotion book as usual, and the message
was to encourage one another in faith and so coincidentally i received encouragement from the one person who knew me inside out =] and that was "youuu" [Ben.H] ! I gotta say you picked the right verse [whether by accident or not] i wont forget that verse from Deuteronomy especially in times when i find it hard to cope=] Btw man i gotta say im pretty impressed even though the my eyes went blind from reading your hand writing! [i couldnt read a few words... ok maybe a paragraph HAHA jks jks] BUT i could tell it was really from your heart and i appreciate that. I'll be sure to make FULL use of the 24 /7 service and just in reply of your question ... im up for 2 years FOSHOO BROO! ANYTIMEEE Yall ! HEHEHE and lastly thanks for the whole bf/bf thingo ! [ you noe wad i mean lah] so.. BFFL yea yea?
*Judy* Ehh girll thanks for you AWESOME AS CARD ! EVen though this doesn't happen in the book of TIN TIN ... [who caresss] TINTIN LOVES SNOWY HIS [her] FAV MOST FAITHFUL COMPANION TILL THE ENDD! WOOHOOOO =]<3333333 p.s. Snowy is on my bed now =] WInk wink*
*jess* EHH girll=] man the sleepover was the BESTTT and THANK YOU for the awesome fireworks !!! and the cake !!! [why dont u go be a baker?HEHHE ] we Have to do another sleepover K!
<3333
ok i needa go now =___= i've officially spent 2 hours on blogging ... [NOTE TO SELF* NOT GOOD] T__T
Alrite well before i begin my reflection on the past 16 years? wait 15? [shhs I CAN COUNT] of my life... let me just warn u, its gonna be a long one, so if ur not ready to sit tight then close this page right now =]
Anyways.. on with it ! In the last 16 years, i've been through the typical teenage years of rebellion and now i can definitely say that boyy am i glad that its almost over! Honestly, i cant rmbr when i learnt how to tell lies or when i learnt how to fight back and speak my mind, or when i started to drift away from this family. But i one thing for sure was that this begun not that long ago, probably during my recent years in Melbourne i guess... Coming here was this huge step that we as a family had to take together. But living here was a whole different story. Throughout those times, there were those real good times where i felt like i was standing at the peak of the highest mountain ever, and also those bad times where life felt like i was on this downward spiral that ended in this massive ditch [ like those quick sands] which would suck you in faster the more you struggled.
And recently i lost the one thing i found when i came here and that was this amazing faith in God . I lost it because i gave in to anger and rage and lost a relationship that meant the world to me. So why couldn't sorry do the trick? well heres how it works, i figured that some things in life can't be mended with just a word of "sorry", somethings.. like a broken heart or a disagreement that turned into feud and hatred... And now that i look back, all i can say is [with regret] that i wished none of it had happened. i wished i hadn't lost my temper and i wish i hadn't lost control of my rationality and i wish i hadn't used those bad words on you. I was so foolish as to unconsciously blame God for all the wrongs in my life but now i thank god, that through these difficult times i learnt to really listen to his word and search for him. I learnt that only through prayer, the impossible becomes possible. And of course i couldnt have done this without the encouragement and support from my a few special ppl. In particular, Ben and Eunice for the ENDLESS support and encouragement that they gave me. I love you guys to bits and pieces<3 Even though the other things i have gained along the way will never replace the relationship [ i lost] that i screwed up, you learn to look on the bright side to everything and just live with hope and learn that not everything in life will do your way... most importantly i learn't the true meaning that God has a reason for EVERYTHING.
Well today something strange happened. In the morning i read my devotion book as usual, and the message
was to encourage one another in faith and so coincidentally i received encouragement from the one person who knew me inside out =] and that was "youuu" [Ben.H] ! I gotta say you picked the right verse [whether by accident or not] i wont forget that verse from Deuteronomy especially in times when i find it hard to cope=] Btw man i gotta say im pretty impressed even though the my eyes went blind from reading your hand writing! [i couldnt read a few words... ok maybe a paragraph HAHA jks jks] BUT i could tell it was really from your heart and i appreciate that. I'll be sure to make FULL use of the 24 /7 service and just in reply of your question ... im up for 2 years FOSHOO BROO! ANYTIMEEE Yall ! HEHEHE and lastly thanks for the whole bf/bf thingo ! [ you noe wad i mean lah] so.. BFFL yea yea?*Judy* Ehh girll thanks for you AWESOME AS CARD ! EVen though this doesn't happen in the book of TIN TIN ... [who caresss] TINTIN LOVES SNOWY HIS [her] FAV MOST FAITHFUL COMPANION TILL THE ENDD! WOOHOOOO =]<3333333 p.s. Snowy is on my bed now =] WInk wink*
*jess* EHH girll=] man the sleepover was the BESTTT and THANK YOU for the awesome fireworks !!! and the cake !!! [why dont u go be a baker?HEHHE ] we Have to do another sleepover K!
<3333
ok i needa go now =___= i've officially spent 2 hours on blogging ... [NOTE TO SELF* NOT GOOD] T__T
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